Bucket List

I think I was 5 years old when I started my bucket list. I remember writing them down but somewhere along the way, I lost the list but have them in my memory. One of that is to see the beautiful cherry blossoms up close. And I did!

I made an itinerary before traveling to New York with my husband few days ago. I told him that I have to see the cherry blossoms in Central Park and it was a must. Although this is the second time we have been in the beautiful city of New York, the last time was November so there was no cherry blossoms blooming. It was autumn and the leaves were wilting.

I am glad we had this short trip back to NYC to see the beautiful flowers. I even saw plenty of tulips so it was actually hitting two birds with one stone and I am very happy to see that most of the things I have written in my bucket list are actually getting ticked. Blessings! I am very thankful for the opportunity.

3 Weeks After the Move

People who know me will notice one thing, my smile. Not that I am very stringent with it but it is the opposite. I am quite the smiley-face but this time, the smile is more bright, pronounced and plastered longer than usual. I actually have painful cheeks now for smiling non-stop. And why you might ask? Drum roll please... I AM HAPPY where I am now. I won't give any more specific but if you're following my blog, you know what I am talking about.

I feel awkward at first because I am not used to having some time to actually breathe properly but now it's like that. I just have to adjust and get used to the idea of finally having the time to breathe, relax once in a while and chat with the people around me.

It's been great so far. I know I will have moments of stress and pressure too but every one is just helpful and supportive. I can get used to this :)

Fake Friends

Life is so much better when you are surrounded by real friends, the real people who will be there for you no matter what. There are times when you thought a friend is a real friend because this person treats you nice when you are around. This person makes you feel special and loved and when you turn your back, it becomes a different story.

I wish people can be real for once. I don't deserve people like that in my life. So, I decided that I will remove these kinds of people in my life. I don't have to deal with them and I certainly don't have a space for them. I am happy now and I want it that way. One less insignificant and fake person in my life will not make a big impact to me. I have other real friends who love me just as I am!

Turning 40

When I was young, I used to think that as soon as you turned 40, you were considered old. What did I know then that I didn't know now? I didn't realize that I would be in the same position - I would turn 40 soon.

I will leave the "thirty-something" group in a matter of few weeks. I am not freaking out because I am turning 40. I am rather feeling uncertain because I will soon become a middle-aged woman. Is there something wrong about that? Certainly not. I think it's normal to feel uneasy because you don't know what the future holds. All I know is, I am adding another year in my existence, more gray hair sprouting from my crowning glory, added crow's feet here and there, slight achy joints and a wider girth this time! Oh, let's not forget the weird mood swings too. Well, I am ready for them but are they ready for me?

40! It's becoming a very big number. Imagine putting that many candles on my cake... I would run out of air blowing all of them just as I am trying to blow away the worries and fears of middle-age. I am convincing myself that it can't be that bad. I have friends who are pushing 50 this year and they managed to stay happy all throughout the middle-age ordeal. This too will pass. On the contrary, I should be happy because my life is just beginning just like the adage "Life begins at 40!" and so is mine.

Oh, happy 40th birthday to me!!! Thank you God for this blessing.

Leaving Soon

my two mothers :) taken at Dubai Mall

My mom and mom-in-law spent the holidays here and the days are getting shorter. They will be leaving soon and I am starting to feel sad. It's such a joy to have both of them around. My daughter is thrilled to have them both because she's acting super princess with them. I let her get away with it because she doesn't get to spend long time with either of them whenever she's in Manila for a vacation. It's different this time because they are both here at the same time so it was twice the fun!

I'm having a slight tug in my heart now. I will miss them again especially my mom because I can see how happy she is to be here with us. Her life back home is filled with problems and issues so hard to resolve because they are deeply rooted; having her spend almost 2 months here temporarily uprooted her from the bad stuff.

I am just happy to be able to give her that slight deviation because it means so much to her. I wish I can make her stay her longer. I just hope I'll find the financial means next time to make her stay here permanent. It will happen, in Jesus name...

Fresh Start for 2012

I have been praying for good things to happen not just for myself and my family, but for everyone too. I am giving myself a chance to grow and one of doing that is to jump out of my comfort zone. I started with my career. I was not getting anywhere with my career in the place where I am in so I thought, the only way to go forward is to apply for a lateral move somewhere I can showcase my talent and skills. And God has been good to me. He knew what was best so he gave me the position I applied for. So, by end of February 2012, I will be reporting to a new department with new people to meet and new challenges to face.

My health is another aspect in my life that I want to give a new lease. I started walking again. It's still early to say if it's going to be regular but I am envisioning myself to do that. I just hope my determination to wean off my other medications will be a great impetus for me to carry on with the weight loss. Also, I am working towards making myself fit enough to carry another full term pregnancy. My daughter has been bugging me for a sibling and I am pushing 40 this March. I think it's not yet late for that.

The financial aspect of my life is getting better too. Although there are still plenty of bills to pay, I can finally scrimp enough to save some which will eventually go to our dream house project.

My personal life is rosy too! It's mostly rosy anyway but this year will be more of family solidarity and giving time to people who truly matters.

So, I welcome 2012 with open arms, new hope and a better perspective in life. I pray that God will have more compassion to humanity inspite of the negativity surrounding us. I know God is good and He will not forsake mankind. I just pray that 2012 will be great for everyone.

2011 - What A Year It Has Been

I thought, when 2011 rung in last year, it would bring hope and prosperity for all of us. When I recall on all the events that had transpired in 2011, the negative outweighs the positive. There were political unrest in the Middle East, natural calamities like erupting volcanoes and earthquakes, the tsunami in Japan on the first quarter and deadly Typhoon Washi hitting my home country before the year ends, deaths of famous people, financial trouble still on the fore and poverty and unemployment reaching new heights. Money was still scarce for most and jobs come far in between. Despite of all the hardships we have seen and been through, 2011 came to pass. A new beginning is coming.

2012 is the year of the water Dragon. Chinese astrologers believe that the mythical beast brings calm and flowing ideas being the water dragon. It balances the right brain activity and the left side for logic. The year of the water Dragon brings innovative and fearless leaders just like the most revered Chinese mythical creature.

Personally, I am not particular with the meaning of 2012 because I believe that we all make our destinies. We can only hope and pray that we listen with our hearts and believe that our Lord will guide us through another challenges in our lives.

I want to believe that 2012 will bring new hope, new beginnings and fresh start in all the aspects of our lives. It is up to us how to accept the challenges and channel the energy towards something good. I want to believe that despite what we read about the Mayan Calendar and other dooms-day sayers, 2012 will still bring a new promise for all.

2011 has come and gone. Let 2012 begin and let's welcome the new year with a prayer from St. Francis of Assisi.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury,pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

A Career Move

God just heard my prayers. He gave me his early Christmas gift in terms of my career. No, it was not the promotion I have always wanted (and so deserve) but something better in terms of going to a different direction in my career.

I received a call from the Human Resources on 23 Dec. and was informed that I was selected for the position. It took me a while to process the news and I was really not expecting a call the day after my interview. It was just too soon to get the news. Not that I don't want it. Of course, I have been waiting for that for the longest time. Now that I have it, I will have a better perspective in my career this 2012. Fresh start in my career... what more can I ask for?

Career Assessment

I should be used to all these career assessments by now. I must have been to a lot of assessments already in the span of 21 years of service. However, I always feel it is something new  each time I am invited to attend one. I always have this knot in my stomach and I feel nauseated. I am not sure if that is accounted for my diminishing confidence, my age, loss of belief in the system or simply because I am just tired going through all the process only to be rejected in the end.

This assessment on Thursday is not even for a higher pay scale. It is just a lateral move for me to be able to learn new things and expose myself to the different operations of the airlines. It will not give me any monetary improvement but it will certainly make my resume heavy and it will make me a strong contender for planning and scheduling positions that will become available in the future.

Anyway, I just pray I can pull it through. I know my qualifications and knowledge, albeit not very in-depth, will help me fulfill the new department's requirements. Good luck to me!

Prayer In Time Of Despair At Work

I am not very religious but I do believe in God and I stick by my faith and religion. However, when the going gets so tough, I run to Him and ask for guidance and strength.

The present situation in the office is so unbearable already. The management expects you to deliver in time when they don't give you the things you need within the due date of submission. And yet, you have to commit to a rigid time frame. Do I make miracles or what? Then you are given 1 million and 1 things to do on top of the normal and other ad hoc things that you do. And they expect you to finish them on time, help them with their load when they are fully aware of the volume of work you have and they just keep pushing, shoving things down your throat. Again, do I make miracles?

I am getting very tired and restless now. I don't know who to trust there. I only trust my God because in times of despair, the only one I can count on is Him.

I am sharing this prayer to all of you who are experiencing the same problems I have in the work area. I hope this prayer help you through the day as you go about your work business.

"O God of the poor and the humble, who was born in a stable and worked in a carpenter's shop, look down in pity on the workers of this world. Give us work that we may keep our families in comfort and live without fear. Teach us to be content with our lot and never let us be tempted with dishonesty. When it seems necessary to fight against injustice, O God of strength, send Your Holy Spirit upon us that we may know what is right and have strength to do it. Protect us from violence and give us peace. Good St. Joseph, friend of the workman, pray for us. Amen.

Welcome Baby Boy Calix!

My brother and his wife just had a baby today. We're all ecstatic because this is a wonderful Christmas gift to the family. It's been a while since we heard of tiny pitter-patter around the house. I am a new Aunt again!

The mother is recuperating and will be discharged tomorrow while Baby Calix is still in the incubator for observation because he was born a week early from the due date. I just pray he will be fine.

Congratulations to my brother and his wife. This is such a wonderful Christmas gift to all of us. Thank you Lord!

I Lost a Kilo!

A kilo is a kilo! And I am happy to lose it with sheer determination, proper eating habits and regular exercise. I say, it is a slow weight loss considering my health conditions but I am happy to do it the normal way without the help of medications to burn the fats. I burned my own fat the old school way - running! Yes, my knees ache a little because of the weight those babies are carrying around but sticking to my doctor's order to eat properly and cut out the oily food aided too.

I am in for this and there are more weight to lose. I just have to keep focused and follow strictly the doctor's advise and I should be fit and healthy in no time. Crossing fingers to that!

Judgmental People

I am not a hater. I am usually unassuming but there are people who really get into my nerves by being judgmental, opinionated, control-freaks and jumping to conclusion.

They are everywhere in this place. Sometimes, I cannot help but feel a peeved and upset. I know I shouldn't be affected by these kinds of people but seeing them everyday makes a big difference, in a negative manner.

They said, people who are judgmental are usually losers who have their own insecurities. I am beginning to believe that. I see them everyday and how they treat people is a manifestation of their deviation.

The world will be a better place if these people can keep their opinions to themselves. There are things that is acceptable to say but to quickly pass on a judgment without knowing the real person or the real deal is outright bad.

How do they actually sleep at night aside from closing their eyes? Gosh, get a life judgmental people! We only live once so try to be happy and focus that judgmental energy to something kinder and positive. Humbags!

Busy Holiday

I never thought my Eid holiday will be very busy. Although I anticipated some activities lined-up here and there, my holiday is being spent as I planned and then some.

I made a lot of Christmas cards for 2011 and 1 birthday card for my daughter's classmate. I have made 39 cards already for the past 3 days and I still have many ideas in my head. I just have to tone them down because I can't organize them in my thought. I think I'll just take a breather for the time being and will continue my card-making next weekend.

I did 1 round in the park in the afternoon yesterday. I cleaned the house and managed to wash some laundry. There are clothes to press and more cleaning to do. The list is not yet done.

I hope the holiday is longer. I just feel so happy and relaxed at home than going to work. If only... Anyway, I just have to pray harder that the days will pass peacefully at work so I don't have to feel frustrated.

2 more days before my official leave ends. I wish it's longer...

My Lab Results

I got my lab results last night and went to see my doctor again for a reading. My cholesterol is high but my blood sugar is normal. However, I can't believe my uric level is so high. It's not even just above the meridian. It's high!

So, that could be the reason why my ankles ache in the morning before I get up. Although, my ankles don't swell, I do feel pain there and on my knees. I thought, the pain was brought about by the 2.7 km walk I did so I didn't give much thought.

Well, I may go vegan for a while. I have no idea how it will go and how my taste buds will receive the new idea and food group. I don't have a problem taking red meat and some seafood out of my eating equation but  not eat my favorite wheat breads and oatmeal cookies? That's just plain torture!

I am barely on my 40s and yet I have these conditions normally felt by middle-aged people. The doctor advised me to really lose weight and strict diet on low purines because purines found on most food I love to eat are one of the culprits of my rising uric acid. 

I just wonder why I was predisposition to have these kinds of conditions. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I get my 8 hours of sleep. I eat healthy foods and not much of a meat eater. I exercise and I try my best to think of positive thoughts. And yet, I still have these conditions which can affect my heart if I don't do something about them. I am really bummed right now.

Anyway, no use crying over spilled milk. I just have to follow my doctor's advise to the letter. I may experience some withdrawal symptoms while I wean away from breads and other delicious food I love to eat. Let this be a warning... Grumpy alert!

Words Escape Me

There are times when I want to say things but the words just float inside my head. I know the exact words I want to utter but when my mouth opens, words escape me.

I am not like this. I am very articulate and I don't have problems speaking my mind which is also the cause why I get into trouble sometimes. However, I noticed lately that I am at a loss for words. Although it only happens in the office and never at home.

It is a different scenario at home. I can spit 100 words per second without a rest and yet, I get tongue-tied at work. I was not like that before. I just noticed that when the power-grabbing people started sprouting like mushrooms around me, things changed. I am having speech impediments all of a sudden. 

It has nothing to do with fear because I am not afraid of them but I am so conscious of my performance review and I still want my job. I am afraid that I may snap one day and I will greatly regret it. The power-play at work is becoming very unbearable but I have no escape. Only words escape me right now but I can't.

Types of Managers

Each managers will have their own ways of dealing with their staff. That is the reason why we have so many various kinds of managers. There are the control-freaks, slave-drivers, credit-grabbers, over-zealous, critical and the boss-from-hell. However, not all honchos are bad. There are a handful out there who are still genuinely caring and compassionate who will lead and fight your cause. There are great managers who will push you to your capacity because they believe in you. Some managers will even take you along to ensure that you get the exposure you need. The latter kind comes far in between though.

So, if you have a manager who cares for you and can be over-bearing at times because of his or her good intentions, I think that is great and appreciate that. I have never felt how it is to be well-appreciated by someone in authority yet. It is my earnest dream to find a great boss who will back me up and believe in my capabilities before I leave the workforce. I want to feel good and recognized not just because I can complete a task but I can complete a task outstandingly.

Loving Yourself

I used to believe that self-love is so narcissistic and egotistical. I realized not too long ago that loving yourself too is a healthy way to live a peaceful, positive and happy life.

I remember when I was still a kid, how I would allow people to berate and criticize me. Deep inside I knew they were wrong but I never stopped nor proved them otherwise. Then I noticed too how easily I could be pleased so when people hurt me, all they had to do was say they were sorry and everything would be okay.

I guess I was just timid and very trusting so people took advantage of me. Then I fell in love countless of times only to squeeze my love dry by people who didn't deserve the true me. I loved deeply but I was never loved back.

So, I ask myself, why do I let people hurt, criticize and berate me? They have to stop. One way of putting a dot on these hurts and pains is to love myself. Yes, it may sound so egotistical and arrogant too but you can do it in a modest way. I started believing in self-preservation. I don't spread my emotions thin anymore. I am well guarded knowing that I deserve to be loved and accepted for who I am without compromising my self-worth. I surrounded myself with positive people who would bring out the best in me. I started praying more and asking for God's grace and love because He has created me in His likeness. Anything and anyone created in His likeness is surely a beautiful creature. So am I.

I feel much better now because I love myself. If I don't...who else will?

Some Me Time

I used to enjoy my "me time" whenever my family is in Manila for a vacation. Today is different. I managed to accomplish a lot in my to-do list today while my husband is back in Manila to fetch our daughter. I noticed that it's very quiet at home.

I think I am coming out of my shell now. I am a loner but I think I don't like to be one anymore. I just miss the squabbles and bickering I have with my daughter. I miss picking after my husband and daughter's mess (add our dog Millie too!). There's no one to talk to. I just stare at Millie, watch some boring re-runs and watch the fish swim.  Honestly, I thought I would become an hermit one day but deep inside I just realized, it's not fun being alone. While I enjoy some "me time" on shopping and beauty and spa sessions, I still want the company of my family and friends. I miss the fun, the loud noise which drives me up the wall, the mess here and there. I miss the "normal" life I have.

So, I guess I will have to bear this quiet time for few weeks until the "riot" (read:  father and daughter tandem = mess and a lot of noise at home = NORMAL LIFE) comes back.

Planning a European Trip

It's still early to decide what to do on my 40th birthday but I am considering a European trip with my family for a week in April. Although my birthday is in March, my daughter's spring break will be in April.

I am thinking of themes to do for my 40th birthday trip. One recurring thought comes to mind - seeing the beautiful tulips in full bloom in Keukenhof, Lisse, Netherlands. I have been imagining the colorful vista in my head already. My decision is leaning towards the trip than a party bash or a birthday Louis Vuitton bag.

My travel bug is biting me again and I have always dreamed of seeing the wonderful Keukenhof, the windmills, the beautiful canals of Amsterdam, the Edam cheese factory and the tiny village of Madurodam. I may throw in a side trip to Belgium since it is close by and is also a part of the Schengen.

I am already looking for budget hotels and transportation available in Netherlands should I decide to take the Belgium side-trip. My husband has a relative in Denmark so we may also squeeze a day or two there before flying back to Dubai.

My 40th birthday will probably be a trip to Europe. I'll narrow down the options before the year ends and once I have my daughter's school time table for 2011-2012.

Europe, here we come!!!