Our Old House

I can't get out of my mind the state of our old house in the Philippines. It is in almost dilapidated state and I fear that one day, the foundation might just give way. It has been our home for the last 30 years.

It used to be one of the beautiful houses in the subdivision where we lived. When my dad was still alive, it was kept clean and well-maintained. We had an overhead water tank that used to provide clean water for my family when the village's own water system went awry. It had a state of the art engine driven pumps so the big tank would fill up fast. However, the engine pump has been sold to provide financial aid to my mom back home.

The roof of the house needs serious repair. It rains inside when it rains outside. The paints are chipping. The ceiling has a wide gap. The entire premise is just dirty and you can see that the love my parents put in that house has long been gone. If only they had called an experienced exterior contractor like ​​Ideal Construction to have these issues corrected before they got out of hand things would be so much happier today.

It pains me to see it in that state so I am glad that my mom decided to sell the house where we all grew. We made happy and fond memories there when we were growing up. I met great friends in that place who loved hanging out in our humble abode during our glorious days. But those days are gone and what is left is an old house, bereft of the love it used to have. Our old house, our poor old house needs a new owner who can provide that same love we had during our heyday.

Sad News

I was beaming from left to right, jumping like a giddy goat and so high with my brush with John Travolta last Wednesday. Little did I know that my Thursday would be filled with very sad news.

My father-in-law has been admitted to the hospital almost a month ago due to pneumonia. However, we didn't expect that it would turn bad; that he would have so much infection in his lungs and that there would be complication with his diabetes.

He went into comatose for more than a week now and yesterday, he had a cardiac arrest. The doctor revived him but he is now being supported by a respirator.

My hubby and brother-in-law was really scheduled to come home yesterday to facilitate the process of moving him to another hospital with pulmonary specialists. I guess, that trip is meant for something else.

I am really saddened by the news. I and my daughter are on standby for the inevitable. The whole family will discuss the next possible step to take and I honestly do not want to hear what they will finally decide on. I'm not ready to say good-bye. It brings back memories of my dad's passing only mine, I didn't get to say good-bye.

Deep in my heart, I am still hoping for that miracle to happen. I have that burning hope in me that my hubby will call to say that my father-in-law is now out of coma and in full recovery. But I will lift all our worries to the Lord. Thy will be done...

How to Thwart a Raging Bull

-- This is a repost. I have written this many moons ago when I was still in a different department. Things have changed recently. And as I recall how much I have been motivating and reminding myself how wonderful life is - I stumble upon this post I have written with humor. For those who can relate, I hope the tips below can help you recover or at least deal with the situation and the perpetrator. For those who are blessed to enjoy the peace and quiet of being at home full time, share this to those you know who can apply it in their corporate lives. Enjoy the read!  --


Best answer to this is to run! Run for your life! Kidding aside, there's nothing more enraging than someone crushing your spirit especially if you've gotten up on the right side of the bed.

I woke up with a bright outlook in life one fine morning, smiling my blues away, looking forward to another day and screeeeeeeecccchhhhhhh..... wait a sec! What just happened? It's like a dream sequel and suddenly you woke up like someone threw cold water on your face. Yes, that happened to me at work. Again, no details will be spared but the crux of the matter is, some people just ruined my day in a fraction of a second! Wow, that's Guinness Book of World Records there for you!

I was upset the whole day because:

1. I felt hurt.
2. I was treated with disrespect.
3. They ruined my sunny-side up spirit.

One thing that really pulls my nerve is when someone is sarcastic when spoken to. My point is, I speak to you kindly, then answer back with the same respect given to you. Isn't that the right thing to do to people? Was that so hard to do? I mean, to be kind? Golden Rule. Golden Rule. Golden Rule. I can't stress that enough.

After that event one fine morning, I thought of presenting this tips on how to avoid raging bulls in the office:

Here's one:
Look the other way. Try to avoid eye contact. You'll never know when he or she will pop your eyes out. ;)

Here's another:
Try to become invisible for a day or at least until the rage wears down. If you need to relay a message or have important matters to discuss with the raging bull then go through the assistant, if he or she has one. I just did that. If I could fold myself into several folds, I would have done that so I could put myself in my own pocket!

And another:
Play some funky tunes to cast the blues away. Music is like a therapy to calm my nerves. Just don't play heavy metal, head banging, ear drums crashing music or it will make you more upset. Tone down with a good "zen" like music or easy listening stuff. I played "Amazing Grace" in my head over and over until I cooled down. Another music which calms my nerves is blues/jazzy tune. Never disappoints me at all.

Last trick I tried:
I offered a prayer. I was scared of losing it too because I just gave them a reason to ruin my composure. Well, they actually did but to give in to such negative feeling is something I will not subject myself to. I owe it to myself to be happy and happy I will be. Bulls or none...

So, there will be another day again and this will be my prayer:

"As I enter the work area Lord, please give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference...and while I am at it Lord, please don't make me too strong because I might just throw them all away." hehehehe Just kidding Lord. =)

(photo courtesy of: www.yesnet.yk.ca)

When The Day Does Not Go Well - Pray!

I always find myself, well at least most of the time, I do wake up feeling and knowing that no matter how the day will go, I will choose to be happy. Unfortunately, my happy pill wore off today. Today is not one of them.

I wish I can share what's bothering me but I find it too personal to reveal in my blog. I guess I'll just fix it on my own. I always turn to God when I feel negative and today is quite difficult because I have to carry not just my cross but someone I love as well.

I just pray that I can get out of this victoriously as I have managed in the past because God has always guided me through my most trying times. Today is not an exemption. I just pray that tomorrow will be a  new day with new hopes and new chances.

Happy Thoughts and Positive Energy

I don't have a perfect life. It's far from rosy but that doesn't deter me from being happy and positive despite of the circumstances surrounding my family back home.

I remember the happy times when my dad was still alive. My family back home was the picture of happiness and contentment. However, when my dad passed away 6 years ago, everything he worked hard for went down the drain. Our business, the savings, the properties...  nothing is left except for the house my dad and mom built with their own hard labor. And that house is slowly rotting, the memories, the values, the hope.

I try to salvage what ever I can but I will let God's will be done. I will maintain happy thoughts and encourage positive energy to come but if the people I am helping doesn't want it, so be it. I cannot live the life they have chosen.

God is good and He never fails. If people don't see it that way then it's not my problem anymore. I will keep believing. I will keep praying and I will keep asking God for blessings because He knows I deserve it.

Re-connecting With Old Friends

Who said Facebook is bad? Well, not me! I can be biased too you know. I just appreciate Facebook more now that I have lessened my gaming time and focus on socializing and connecting with family and friends. And very recently, I got to reconnect to close friends I have lost contact with when I left the Philippines.

I am very glad that this social network site is running and able to connect people all over. I know others still don't like Facebook. It depends on how you use it and how you set your privacy settings. I have set mine closed for friends only so other people cannot view my profile just like that. You can be secured in Facebook too as long as you check your privacy settings regularly.

I do not glorify Facebook though. I am just glad that it can act as a channel to bridge the gap of long-lost pals and family members. It is also a great avenue to use when you need to communicate to them in one go, aside from the email of course.

I am so happy my close friends found me here again. It is so nice to relive the happy times and go forward knowing that this time, they are there to move with me. Happiness!

The Simplest Blessing

I sometimes forget how blessed I am when I feel the little nuisances of life. Complaining on the littlest discomfort is so easy because I tend to look about how I feel without considering the feelings of others.

Today is a good day to change my perspective about life's discomfort and put my place in the shoes of other people.  I just finished doing the laundry without a sweat because I used a fully automatic washing machine. So, I shouldn't be complaining, right? However, the next part was the one that I was trying to avoid given my right shoulder's painful condition and the extreme weather outside (46 degrees Celcius at 11:56 a.m.). I didn't have a choice because I wanted to maximize the hot weather so the clothes could dry fast. I opened the veranda door and the hot air filled the room instantly and I started sweating. It was like standing in front on an open oven door. That is how hot the weather is right now. And then I saw them - the workers. Right in front of our building is a steel fabricating company. I saw the workers in their dirty jumpsuit with towels on their heads working, hammering steels, driving forklifts and doing their day-to-day routine. And there I was, standing on the veranda with our living room airconditioning unit on, putting the clothes to dry in the line for only few minutes and complaining already about the hot and humid weather. My inconvenience and discomfort is so insignificant compared to their hard work and sacrifices to support themselves and their families. It is 46 degrees Celcius outside and they are working, I cannot compete with that.

I took my camera and instantly snapped them. It will always be a reminder for me to not complain and be thankful because I have it easy. This is a testament of how blessed I am and I don't have a reason to doubt it. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see this new perspective in life. And please Lord, bless those hard working labourers outside who have to endure the hot weather to earn an honest living. Bless them all and give them a break.

Body Pain

I knew I have a fragile health from the time I was born until now. I tried everything I can to improve my immune system and health. I am desperate to lose weight and eat properly and yet, I still feel pain here and there. Could it be due to my soaring weight or age is simply catching up? All I know is that, the slightest move now either sprains me or causes pain in some areas of my body.

I was happily doing Zumba last Sunday, did some exercises last Monday, did ab crunches last Tuesday and yesterday took a rest. I remember reaching for a piece of paper on my office table and next thing I knew and felt was the twitch or slight pain on my right shoulder, almost above the armpit near the joint area. Since then, I noticed that my right arm's movement had been limited. I could not stretch it nor reach the top of my head. It's as if something is blocking my joint movement. There is no swelling. I don't have fever too nor have redness on the affected area but the pain is there.

I applied hot compress the whole night and straightened my right arm when I slept. I am trying to rule out other possibilities like tendinitis, bursitis, impingement or even high uric levels, arthritis or rheumatism. It can be anything until I see a doctor.

I will give myself another night to see how it goes even after I put another batch of hot compress. If the pain does not subside a bit then I am forced to face my dreaded fear - seeing a physician.

Fresh Start for 2012

I have been praying for good things to happen not just for myself and my family, but for everyone too. I am giving myself a chance to grow and one of doing that is to jump out of my comfort zone. I started with my career. I was not getting anywhere with my career in the place where I am in so I thought, the only way to go forward is to apply for a lateral move somewhere I can showcase my talent and skills. And God has been good to me. He knew what was best so he gave me the position I applied for. So, by end of February 2012, I will be reporting to a new department with new people to meet and new challenges to face.

My health is another aspect in my life that I want to give a new lease. I started walking again. It's still early to say if it's going to be regular but I am envisioning myself to do that. I just hope my determination to wean off my other medications will be a great impetus for me to carry on with the weight loss. Also, I am working towards making myself fit enough to carry another full term pregnancy. My daughter has been bugging me for a sibling and I am pushing 40 this March. I think it's not yet late for that.

The financial aspect of my life is getting better too. Although there are still plenty of bills to pay, I can finally scrimp enough to save some which will eventually go to our dream house project.

My personal life is rosy too! It's mostly rosy anyway but this year will be more of family solidarity and giving time to people who truly matters.

So, I welcome 2012 with open arms, new hope and a better perspective in life. I pray that God will have more compassion to humanity inspite of the negativity surrounding us. I know God is good and He will not forsake mankind. I just pray that 2012 will be great for everyone.

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

I hate saying goodbye. I am not very good in hiding emotions so whenever a "farewell" has to be said, I bail out. I just can't stand the parting and all the mixed and lonely emotions which goes with it.

My brother is going home for good. He's been with me here in Dubai for the past five years. Unfortunately, the company where he was working had to fold due to the recession. All of them were laid off and he doesn't want to take another chance here again unless he goes through official employment agencies.

I feel so sad and disheartened right now. I'm just used to having him around and being there to listen to my woes no matter how insignificant they are. He helps me in the house and does some errands for us. I have to do everything on my own again now that he is leaving.

On the other hand, I am relieved because I know he'll keep my mom company and he'll take good care of her.

He'll be leaving in two days time and as early as now, I cannot bear to say goodbye. At least, for now...

Long Weekend is almost Over

Why is time short when you're having fun?!? The four days weekend is almost about to wrap. In few hours, I will be hugging my comforter and travel to dreamland only to wake up the next day feeling terrible. All because it is work week again, albeit shorter by a day. I am thankful for that.

I have been contemplating real hard these past few days. I am wondering how I can save more to expedite the build up of our funds. I have been researching over the long weekend on things I can possibly do once out of the work force. I still want to have a regular stream of income. It may not be as lavish as the current income I have but enough to put food on the table and pay the regular bills.

I think I am over-thinking again. This happens most of the time whenever I get upset or frustrated. At this point, it's a tie between the two worse emotions to feel and it has to be at the same time. Must be brought about the fact that I have to work again tomorrow.

I wish work days are shorter - say, 1 day and the rest is for play and relaxation. That will make me a very happy person indeed!

Mentally Drained

Okay, the "informal meeting" with the big boss of the department I applied for turned out to be an "informal  'further' interview." I honestly feel so drained right now - mentally that is. I don't know but I suddenly got tired because I was asked the same questions that were asked during the 2nd stage of the application. Although this time, it was thorough. I was asked many things about the application of the system their department was using. I honestly told them that it has been 7 years since I last used the system.

I don't know how I feel now. My feeling is gravitating to being restless and slightly feeling being a "wild card"  because I am pitting against 3 other candidates who are currently using the department's system. 2 of them are from the same department, 1 from a different unit but is very familiar and have hands-on experience with the software the new department is using currently. As for me, well, I can always learn the new system as I have always done in the past. I am quick to learn and I hope they will take that into consideration.

So, the ball is rolling. Where it goes, I somehow know... Then again, I may be wrong...

Round and Round I Go

I am not on a merry-go-round or riding a ferris wheel as I write this post. Again, it has something to do with work and how dizzy I am today from going from one place to another and back again to my home-base; only to find out that I have to go to another place again to ensure that everything is in order. I am like a whirlwind. Sometimes I wish I am clairvoyant so I can be in two places at one time.

I must have lost a kilo walking and running around the other adjacent office buildings to finish some work. It is like drinking the Fastest working weight loss pills on earth! If this continues until end of this month, I will surely lose not just 1 kilo!

It may be favorable for me to walk around from one place to another but walking under the heat of the sun is a different story. Arggghhhhh!

Mid-Life Crisis and Me

I don't know why but I have this weird feeling down my gut (nope, not abdominal gas or tummy ache nor diarrhoea) that I am experiencing mid-life crisis.

I have heard this cliche and have witnessed people close to me go through this crisis. My mom, for one, went through it. So, it leaves me wondering, what is mid-life crisis anyway?

Mid-life crisis is like an emotional transition experienced by people from 40 and 60. It is that phase where people begin to take stock of their lives and question their worth and purpose. It is that time of their lives where they make adjustments to get certain fulfillment in life and purpose.

Carl Jung, the psychologist who identified this phase said that it is a normal event in a person's maturing process.

This mid-life crisis is very awkward for me. Not that I am acknowledging its presence in my life at the moment, I cannot deny the fact that I am becoming a textbook example of a person going through it. It is not easy. I have so many questions I never thought I would ask myself while I was younger. I am only few years shy of turning 40 but these thoughts in my head about what I want and where I want to be in the future are mind boggling. I still do not have the answers and do not know when and where I will find them. All I know is that, I have this doubt, fear and certain battle within me to find the real essence of my life. It is so profound and I know it also involves my spirituality.

I hope to get over this phase, if ever I am really experiencing it or my hormones are just playing tricks on me. Whatever the case may be, I shall draw my strength from my God. I know this will pass and I hope I get through this with stronger faith and belief that my Lord will see me through.

Feeling Weird Lately

My husband and daughter are both in Manila right now for their vacation but my daughter will be staying there for a month more. I know this yearly routine of sending her off to Manila for her to bond with our families should be well-accepted by yours truly by now. But I don't know why I can't seem to get passed the stage of letting my daughter go. Every year, I just have to cry my heart out because I miss her so much. Every single year, I go through this state like a wreck! My sister even chided me, "Don't you get used to it?" My response is always the same - "NO, I don't."

This is what it feels like to be a mother I suppose. I feel that part of myself has gotten transferred to my little princess when I gave birth to her. I just want to hold on to her not realizing that she is growing up so fast for me to take it all in. A classic example is a long distance call I made this morning. I asked her if she wants to come back here in Dubai now. She replied, "Maybe YES, maybe NO." I said, "What?!? Last time I checked, you did not want to go there so what gives?" To which she replied with "Mama, let me enjoy myself here first." And that was it. I did not utter any more word because I felt a tightness in my chest. To hear her say those words kind of zapped me back to reality. I guess I am holding on too much. One day, she will be all grown up ready to take the world on her own without me to hold her little hands and guide her.

I don't know if I am exaggerating or just having my hormonal imbalance thing but I feel hurt when she said those to me. Doesn't she miss me? Does she just prefer to be with my in-laws and not me? Are they smothering her with materials things I cannot provide for? Are they buying her affection? I know these are weird questions running in my head. I am a bit jealous, I admit that. Feeling that makes me more human.

Right now, as I write this blog, my head is in a blur. I feel pain, a little resentment to some people who have no iota of an idea as to what is happening, a bit angry, insecure and a tad green with jealousy. These are all negative emotions boiling inside me. I guess I was just caught off guard when my daughter told me that. I thought I am always her super-mom, her idol, her role model, her number one. Then again, maybe not.

Bear with me folks as I figure out what's going on in this thick skull and fragile heart of mine. I feel like a tempest in a teapot about to burst any minute now. Is motherhood really this "painful?"

Backing for a While

I have been quiet for a while since I got back from my leave. Most of the time I am just zapped out and have no time and energy left to rack my head with ideas and put those thoughts into words. I remember the days when my head is filled with gazillions of thoughts that I feel it will explode if I don't write them. Now is the complete opposite of that.

My blogger screen is blank and my fingers on top of the keyboard waiting to be pounded but there's no juice to squeeze out. I guess most bloggers go through this phase as well - writer's block...in this case, blogger's block.

I think I have to step back a little and give myself some space while I regenerate. It's pretty ironic that I have to experience this few days before my "party" blog turns 1. Oh well...c'est la vie!

Out of Touch

I am not my usual self these days. Must be the weather or my weight problem which drag my spirit down or the ever increasing job-cuts that are happening in this part of the world. Well, who said Dubai is invincible?

I am sorry for not doing rounds like I always do. I am very tired by the time I get home. I don't just handle a job of one person but 3 since all the temp staff were discontinued. I run the treadmill too, I tend to my family's needs, coach my daughter in her studies, do my assignments in my class and by the time it's around 7:30 p.m., I am already poofed.

It seems like I am out of touch but I am here. I will bounce back. I just have to mind some other stuff about my life too. It's really nothing serious. I may just be going through a weird mood-swing right now. Maybe I am menopausal already? Hahaha! I just can't understand how I feel. Oh well, c'est la vie!

On Finding the Right One

I am feeling romantic these days. Hmmmm... Could it be due to our recent wedding anniversary? Or, I am just a hopeless romantic? Whatever the reasons are, I just feel like sharing this wonderful quote on finding love. However, I cannot recall where I read it and who said it so sorry if I couldn't give credit. The quote is so lovely though.

"THE KEY TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND."

Nice right? That's the reason why I try my level best to overlook the imperfections of my very own marriage. I know my hubby's not perfect nor close to the ideal man I had in mind then but he makes me whole. I remember when we were still dating and I discovered how different we were in many, many things. I almost backed out but those differences made us connect. We learned to accept each other as two individuals with unique tastes. Those differences made our marriage colorful. So, I'm glad I didn't marry the guy I thought was "right" for me, instead, I married the man who made my life complete.

On Love

No one falls in love by choice,
it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance,
it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance,
it is by CHOICE

Is it? Tell me what you think...

Goodbye our dear Sheepy

Letting go of someone, even a pet, is so hard to do. We were not ready to say good bye to Sheepy but deep inside I knew we had to. My heart is not strong enough to face losing someone and I categorize my pets in that area too. Sheepy had to say good bye this afternoon. What's more heartbreaking was the call I got from my crying princess. My daughter has always been a strong kid. She doesn't cry in front of us. I have not seen her cry because of someone nor something. She's just steadfast unlike me. I wear my heart in my sleeve.

I know this was inevitable. The moment I saw his condition last night, I could tell it wasn't good. I tried my best to give Sheepy the comfort even for the last few hours he had. I guess it was his time. I never knew why he suddenly got ill when he was only 1 year and 2 months. He was our dear, gentle cavy.

I don't know if I did the right thing by giving my daughter pets to take care of. I was just teaching her how to be responsible to another living thing. I know that giving her company in the form of our 5 guinea pigs will make her a compassionate and responsible kid. I didn't mean to expose her to this kind of reality. I didn't want her to see the pet suffer and worse, die under her watch. I feel so hurt seeing her cry. Last night, she fell asleep crying and when I came home from work this afternoon, she was crying again and this time, all I could do was to assure her that our Sheepy is in heaven now sans the suffering. At her young age, I know it will be painful to accept that the pet you have taken cared of will one day leave. She still has to grasp the concept of life and death but I hope I did the right thing by giving her pets to love and care.

My heart is breaking right now. I just hope I will be able to console her with the fact that she gave Sheepy the best love a guinea pig could ever have.

So long Sheepy, sleep tight. We are happy that you have been a part of our lives. You will be missed.(Sheepy: May 3, 2007 - July 28, 2008)